Of Bus Drivers, Social Interactions, My Voice, Humans and Cats

The person who got on the bus before me asked to pay by card, to which the bus driver replied “We don’t do that here” because this so-called digi-tell is in Jermany newland, which then caused the potential passenger to nervously scramble around in their bag, saying that they don’t have any cash with them. I witnessed that happening in front of me and thought that I must intervene and overcome my shyness and offer to pay for their ticket. So I did. But apparently and expectedly they didn’t understand what I said because of my quiet and Mumbly voice. But then the bus driver said something to the potential passenger which I in turn didn’t understand, but it caused the passenger to move along into the bus, so I thought my offer was understood and I should now pay for them. So I asked how much I should pay for their ticket. The driver replied that they didn’t understand what I said. I was confused too because the passenger just went in instead of waiting for or having received a ticket as far as I could tell, so I asked if the passenger had paid and the driver replied that they can travel for free this time. So I said “Oh, I see” and went in with my own existing ticket. It was of course really nice of the driver to just let them in for free but it made my whole awkward interaction completely pointless. I should have just been happy for witnessing the driver being so nice, but of course I just kept thinking about the awkward interaction even though the other two participants probably didn’t care and had already forgotten. Had they even understood at all what I was trying to do or were both of them just confused about some random person saying something unintelligible and then wanting to know if another passenger had paid, possibly to snitch on them, instead of just going in with the ticket I already had and not wasting time? I also didn’t expect the driver to let someone in for free, I’m used to a certain bus driver from school who would thoroughly examine each student’s monthly ticket we received for free from our school and then get them in trouble if they had forgotten it or used the one from last month on the first day of the new month, even though the driver clearly knew the students for a long time and knew that they had a valid ticket.

This is yet another experience in my jar of negative social experiences that teach me to never interact with people and to never use my voice. I can’t even help other people because nobody can hear my voice, especially in noisy environments like streets. At home I remembered my week of cat-sitting my mum’s cats and how nice it was not saying a single word the entire time (except when my grandpa visited for a short time). The cats said nothing except for the occasional meow or purr(tz), and I said nothing except for replying to their meows with squeak-like noises made by sucking in air between my front teeth. And yet we got along perfectly well. They didn’t judge me. I didn’t judge them. I loved them. And I (like to) think they loved me too. There was no need for words, we just peacefully co-existed and cuddled when we felt like it. Why can’t humans be like cats? And just as I was thinking that, my neighbour’s cat Louise appeared with a meow and went through my still open front door into my flat, as she had already done twice in the past. Unlike those times, she stayed inside just a little while longer instead of quickly leaving again, and she looked at me for some time. And unlike when other humans look at me, I didn’t feel judged. Then she went out again and sat down a couple of metres away from the door and looked at me. It was nearly dark by now and she was just an undefinable black blob surrounded by slightly less dark darkness, but the blob had two reflecting eyes looking at me. I looked back for a bit and then closed the door. Shortly after, I peeked through the door again and she was still there looking towards me. She probably has no idea what her random appearance meant to me, but it made me really happy and mostly overrode the lingering bad feeling the awkward human interaction had left me with. I barely know Louise, but I love her and I’m very thankful for her coincidentally appearing just at the right time. I hope we’ll have more interactions in the future. Why can’t humans be like cats?